音樂人生 KJ

音樂人生 KJ



一直想為這部電影下個註腳，一個月下來才開始。

看完時，內心有一股不安縈繞著，或者，是被KJ內在那股深邃的不安所牽動，又或者，是電影映照對自身期待與未完成所生的不安吧。

相信，對這部電視最平凡的描述，就是一個關於天才的故事；那肯定錯不了，但是表面得如同八掛雜誌。然而離開這種描述，又確實把握不了KJ這個人。

或許，說他是天才的人太多了，多得相信他一聽必然會抓狂起來，因為這個名號於他而言，或許就只是人們要和他劃清界線的簡單手法 — 天才本來就是難以相處、注定孤獨。

看這齣戲，可以注意一下，一個人靈魂深邃的不安與孤獨，到底可以如何的深 — 他的痛苦讓人產生共鳴，那是再一重的不幸。看到他十一歲時的那番如何「哲學」的話，然後父親說「原來你會咁諗架，爸爸都唔忝，以後爸爸要同你傾多些計……」，KJ的眼淚已經說明一切 — 那就是和「人類」說不清的距離。

KJ一直強調，想做個HUMAN BEING（人），不斷的強調再強調，和他指揮的組員說、和家人說、和自己說……但到底，聽到的人，是否明白，他說的、想做到的這個「HUMAN BEING」，是多麼沉重的一個「字」。

沙特說：「天才只存在於他的作品中 — 沒有天才，只有天才的作品。」如果要說一些戲而非人，就是這部戲有點吝惜於展示KJ的作品，他那於比賽中自稱「根本高兩班」的超時五重奏、他在捷克十一歲時的比賽片段，總是有點意猶未盡的感覺。或許，導演就想營造他是一個實在的「人」而非「天才」的面向，但如果能再帶出他天才之處，觀眾相信可更深刻的感受到KJ靈魂中的拉扯。

我同情KJ那深邃的不安寂寞，也更為他「其實很幸運」而高興 — 他有羅乃新、一班被逼忍受他的兄妹、和一些雖然不明白卻願意去理解他的朋友，一起感受他認為最重的音樂。

人生有人願意去承受你的燥動與暴烈，那不是已經很幸福了嗎？



P.S. 始料不及，從幾年前在會展的籌款演奏會後，我愈來愈欣賞DBS這間學校了。張校長始終有其值得欣賞之處。
P.P.S. IFC現在還在上映。

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黃子華呢云真係嘩眾取寵……

黃子華呢云真係嘩眾取寵，睇來佢海嘯真係入肉……
好彩佢仲算誠實，改個咁既名。

竟然，
我真係寧願睇絕代商驕。

我要退出Dayo群組……

兩件事是一回事

放下工作到青海走走，想感受海拔達三千三百米的神聖青海湖，舒坦一下身心；自然環境總有一種讓人釋然的能力，可只要有人的地方就會有利益與政治問題，無論環境如何都未能令人放下。


兩種佔領、一種邏輯

青海湖面積廣大，從每一個角度望去也是美景處處，可是政府就偏偏不把這種自然景色自然保留，忽在湖邊一段劃定為風景區，聚隻一些商品食肆招倈本不為過，然而要近距離接近聖湖，就要買票進入風景區，要到對面的沙島又要再買船票。

不甘被規定位置觀賞湖色，唯有多走些路，找個劃定區外的民宿入住，一樣可以徒步到湖旁。一宿過後，晨早起床看日出，在湖旁看見一個石碑，用不甚自然的雲石上刻著青海湖三字，另用紅漆草草寫上二零零七年，雖不甚好看，但遊人還是自然地作到此一遊式合照；合照過後才發現不遠處竪立著一木條，上寫有油漆己然剝落五個大字：照相三塊錢。在雄奇的大自然環景下看見這小家子土霸生意，五個大字忽然與了小狗撒尿霸地盤變成同義。

晨光現起，正打道回府，忽一藏民邊喊邊走來、邊走還要拿起一塊石頭，大叫快給三塊錢，我止住腳步與他理論，問：「湖是你的嗎？」他說：「湖不是我的，但石碑是我的，快給三塊！」朋人按捺不住，大叫要找公安來，藏民反過來問我們是否要欺負他；多言無謂，唯有拋下一句電影對白 — 「你係度等我！我搵公安來！」 — 就逃之夭夭。

走著，赫然發現，這兩種行為背後的邏輯都是一樣的，不過是規模大小的問題。


漢人司機、藏人鄉長

地緣政治決定生活，無論高度發展的香港還是靠山食靠水食水的青海湖也是一樣。離開當日，在馬路上遇到拉客包車司機，談好條件，就開車回民宿拿背包轉戰他方，不料到馬路入口，忽還上一幫當地藏民堵塞出入口；交涉不果，唯有車阻落地行，徒步回店拿背包離開，可憐一班杭州客，車子堵在門口交涉半個小時也不得要領。

跳回車上，司機嚕囌著剛才的藏民駡他不合作，追問之下，原來那位正是青海湖某鄉鄉長，他們當日正開始一個堵塞行動，為的，正是要把「遊客」推到風景區入住。原來當地的鄉長本來是由鄉民一人一票選出來的，所以向來鄉長就算德不夠高、民望也重（這點比香港強多了！），然而最近卻取消選舉鄉長、由省長官指定鄉長人選（據說十萬就可以撈個青海湖鄉長來做了！）；鄉長其一職責就是分配鄉民的謀生隊伍事務，其中包車司機分為五組人，當中一組主要由土生土長漢人組成，也許是漢人性格比較勤快使然，他們賺的錢也就較其他組多，惹來其他藏人不滿，指他們到處拉客、不聽話不把客人帶到風景區入住（因為這樣鄉長就拿不到回佣了！），所以他們就組織起其他人堵塞其他民宿、旅店馬路口，不讓人入住、也不讓人離開，來個一拍兩散！

同行的政治系講師友人把事件理解成漢藏衝突的歷史互動，我卻沒有想到這麼複雜（或日深入），因為在大陸這是普通不過的事，並非特殊的地緣政治事件；這應該不是種族主義的問題，而是經濟利益角力的問題；在一個經濟發展如此急激的社會，人們的注意力都放在利益之上，所謂種族問題很多時也是一種旗幟多於真實問題所在；漢人與藏人本非什麼世仇，在漢藏問題還未真正成為民族矛盾前，實不宜取這樣的視角去把問題「深化」，我這樣對朋友表達想法。

中國的眾多社會問題中，貪污是根源，然後從惡生惡，生出欺壓、隱瞞、公器私用等問題，由於沒有獨立的制衡機關，對貪腐的制衡力諷刺地來自於不同的貪團間的力益衝突 — 就如黑社會間的地盤角力，可是如果一個地方由某一利益團體一統天下、或是某地利益的絕對量（absolute magnitude）不足，制衡「機制」就自然失效。所以，即使中央有「抽象的」最高權力去管事件，真的落手落腳去抓問題時，還是會顯得無能為力 — 你看豆腐渣說要查還是查出個沒有人要負責就明白了。

所以，當連司機德明都說香港有廉政公署很重要（他年青時曾到珠海「闖一闖」，可見廉記的威名遍及珠三角地區也！），也就說明，不必學者告訴我們，也知道一個地方要改善貪污問題，一個獨立的制衡機關是多麼的重要。大陸一天沒有類似的機關當局出現，貪腐情況也不會有根本性的改變。

Spirit of Adventure

Spirit of Adventure

好像讀過朋友在facebook的感想，就是看了十分鐘就流淚，心想沒那麼誇張吧？怎料，就是這樣子，眼水即使沒有掉下來，卻在眼眶迴盪著，一直至完場。

也許最好的故事，就是真實的人生。

十分鐘走過Mr. Fredricksen先生太太的一生，簡單又真實。你說是因為瑣事俗事沒有完成夢想，到最後一切都已太遲，但原來兩個人在不經不覺間，已經走過多少的歷險 — 有你在身邊就是最美的歷險了。（老土到呢……但又真又實喎。）

一次又一次搗碎儲蓄夢想的玻璃瓶，為的是面對生命種種實實在在的需要，那實在是無可厚非的；時間一直過去，夢想只成為兩個人的核心，不再是兩個人的生活，時間一直流逝，生命一直平常過去，這樣的人生說不上是不美好、也是平凡了點，不是嗎？

有人陪伴著你一直實現不了夢想，那不是已經很浪漫嗎？

生命只有一次，冒險給你的是夢，是可能性、不確定性，日常生活給你的是現實，是實在的、確定的經驗驗，那一種更有價值？那一種更值得選擇？那一種是你現在所需要的？只有你自己知道。

生命不會在十八歲時才開始，也不會在八十歲就一定結束，如果你願意的話，哪一點也是起點。

Adventure is out there! Cross your heart to swear!

把擱在你心中的那兩張椅子，留在Paradise Fall吧！

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Plot (by wiki)
Carl Fredricksen is a shy 8-year-old boy who meets an outgoing and rather eccentric girl named Ellie and discovers they share the same interest in adventures as their hero, famed explorer Charles Muntz. Ellie expresses her desire to move her clubhouse, a dilapidated home, to Paradise Falls in South America, a promise she makes Carl swear to keep. Over the next 70 years, Carl and Ellie marry and grow old together in the house where they met while making a living as a toy balloon vendor and a zookeeper respectively. Unable to have children, they also try to save up for the trip to Paradise Falls but other financial obligations arise. Just as they finally seem to be able to take their trip, Ellie succumbs to her old age and passes away, leaving Carl living by himself, becoming bitter and missing his wife terribly. By this time, the city has grown around Carl's house with construction as he refuses to move. After a tussle with a construction worker over his broken mailbox, the court orders Carl to move into a retirement home. Carl comes up with a scheme to keep his promise to Ellie, and uses his old professional supplies to create a makeshift airship using 10,000 helium balloons which lift his house off its foundations. However, shortly after taking flight, Carl finds that Russell, a Wilderness Explorer trying to earn his final merit badge for "Assisting the Elderly", has stowed away on the porch after being sent on a snipe hunt by Carl the day before.
After a storm throws them off course, Russell steers the house with the help of his GPS navigator, and they find themselves on the opposite side of the tepui from Paradise Falls. The two find their body weight provides enough ballast to let them walk, dragging the floating house behind them. The two begin to walk across the tepui, hoping to reach the falls while there's still enough helium in the balloons to keep the house afloat. During the journey, Russell befriends a huge, colorful bird which he names Kevin, not realizing that the bird is actually female. They later run into a dog named Dug with a translating collar that lets him speak. They discover Dug's owner is 92-year-old Charles Muntz, who has remained in South America for many decades. Muntz explains that when he had brought back a skeletal species of a new bird species, he was called out as a fraud, and thus now seeks to bring back a live specimen, specifically Kevin, to restore his reputation. Carl is initially thrilled to meet his hero, but when he realizes that Muntz is after Kevin and will kill remorselessly in order to capture her alive himself, Carl takes steps to save the bird and escape from Muntz. Thanks to Kevin and Dug they escape Muntz's pack of vicious dogs, but Kevin is injured during the escape.
Led by a tracking device in Dug's collar, Muntz and his dogs arrive in his airship while Carl and Russell assist the injured Kevin to her chicks. Muntz traps Kevin in a net and sets Carl's house on fire, forcing Carl to choose saving his house over cutting Kevin loose. After Muntz flies off with Kevin, Carl firmly tells Russell he intends to get to Paradise Falls or die trying, and begins walking back again. The next day, Carl successfully gets the house on the cliff overlooking Paradise Falls like Ellie's wish just as the balloon no longer have any buoyancy to lift the house, but Russell's desire to assist Carl has been dulled out of anger and disappointment. Carl, settling down in his house, finds Ellie's childhood "adventure" scrapbook, which he thought had been left blank after the first few pages to save room for their planned adventure to Paradise Falls. However, he instead discovers that the pages have been filled with mementos of her life with Carl after they were married, and finds a final note from her thanking Carl for the adventure of their marriage, and an encouragement for him to go on an adventure of his own. Invigorated by Ellie's last wish, he goes outside to see Russell, only to find him giving chase to Muntz. Carl lightens the weight of his house by dumping furniture and his possessions, allowing him to chase after Muntz in his house with Dug by his side.
Russell enters the airship through a window, but is captured by the dogs. He is tied up and left to fall outside, but Carl saves him and keeps him tied up in the house. Carl and Dug board the ship, and are able to lure the guard dogs away from Kevin to free her. Carl and Muntz duel face to face and fight (Muntz with a sword, Carl with his cane), while Dug is able to wrest control of the pack and the airship. Russell frees himself but clings to a lifeline as he finds the house in a dogfight with biplane fighters. When Carl shouts for help, Russell distracts ("Look, a squirrel!") the dog pilots and regains control of the house to rescue his friends, who are now on top of the airship. In pursuit, Muntz shoots out some of the balloons, causing the house to land and slide off the airship. Carl manages to trick Muntz inside the house while saving Russell, Dug, and Kevin. Muntz attempts to reach the airship again, but gets tangled in the house's balloons and plummets to the earth below. Carl's house drifts off into the clouds, a loss Carl gracefully accepts as being for the best.
Carl takes control of Muntz's airship and returns Kevin to her chicks, and then returns with Russell and Dug back to the city. When Russell's father fails to attend his son's Senior Wilderness Explorer ceremony, Carl fulfills that role himself to proudly present Russell with his final badge, the grape soda badge that Ellie presented to Carl when they met ("The Ellie Badge"). Afterward, Carl becomes a cheerfully active community volunteer with a strong father-like relationship with Russell, Dug, and the other Wilderness Explorers. Meanwhile, his house, through happenstance, did ultimately land back on the cliff overlooking Paradise Falls, exactly where he and Ellie envisioned it.

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這裡在不久將來會有大轉變，
如果你留意的話，
那就敬請留意吧。


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又，

泉涸，魚相與處於陸，相呴以濕，相濡以沫，不如相忘於江湖。與其譽堯而非桀也，不如兩忘而化其道。夫藏舟於壑，藏山於澤，謂之固矣！然而夜半有力者負之而走，昧者不知也。藏小大有宜，猶有所遯。若夫藏天下於天下而不得所遯，是恆物之大情也。特犯人之形而猶喜之。若人之形者，萬化而未始有極也，其為樂可勝計邪？

〈大宗師〉

行進曲‧一

行進曲‧一

有多少希望就有多少失望，

但我們都會繼續期待明天吧？

「究竟會發生什麼事呢？」

試著想想看吧，

那你今天就不會那樣疲憊，

明天就能掛著笑容出門吧。

噢買尬！

大家都知道會是這樣的，

只是誰把它掛左口邊，

還是收在心裡面吧？

不要把發洩說成解脫！

不要把憂鬱當成思考！

你需要的結果，

不過是勇氣的行進曲、

和

一個起誓的儀式吧？

就把不確定和不能確定清楚分開吧，

既然不能確定是原則上不必理會、

既然不確定就是不確定，

那還需要思考什麼呢？

幻想與希望的分別、

只在於那是藉口、

還是行動的理由！

說到就要能做到，

才不會像個空氣少女的、

讓人感覺像霧像雨又像花，啊~~

集中力

一段時間沒有寫東西，除了是左忙右忙外，最大原因不過是心情問題。

有一些事情是能透過意氣用事能熬過，有一些事卻要你時刻保持冷靜，耐心但又機警地注視變化，才能好好處理。

我最大的缺點和優點，是內在的「變化」過於急激，儘管從外面看來並不是這樣 — 最多時候的表情應該是發呆或黑口黑面。

要很努力才能保持平常心，是很煩人的事；做過一個星座心理分析之類的東西，說我生命中追求的東西就是「平衡」，想是有一點道理的。

暫時為止，最集中而時間最長的一件事，是用了三個月時間嘔出一篇碩士論文，不過回想起來，當中也忽然有三個星期只能不停打機（winning10打到2020年、重玩浪漫傳說）、看戲、看漫畫（當時我在網上讀了死亡筆記、廿世紀少年、幽遊白書、草莓100%……），只是因為當時完成了第一個chapter。

容易失去集中力也許是我一生都要面對的問題，而問題是我的心情太易受環境影響（雖然已經好了很多……）。

哎。